Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I looked at my own cervix.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
