it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
