You can't motorboat a personality
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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