Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So vagazzling was a success
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize