I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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