im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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