I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
