My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
vagina is talking i cant
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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