I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
