11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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