i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
