A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
