Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
