is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
