I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
