her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
