Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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