I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
