I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
