there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
