You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
