i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
