we have officially lost it.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
