mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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