Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize