If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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