so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
