I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
