weddingsv make me drug and hornr
from now on my penis is your penis
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
