I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he shaved USA in his pubs
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
