The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
