Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
