i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
