Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
