did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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