I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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