Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
