sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
NoShamevember. You game?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
