he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
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At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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