your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Randomize
