How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
