Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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