So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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