The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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