did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
