I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
