I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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