any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
