I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
