chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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