I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
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i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
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They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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