i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
