he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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