Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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