nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
