I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
