We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
