We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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