??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
