does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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