Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
