i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
