I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
