talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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