i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
last night I used snow as a chaser
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
