Is it because I queefed?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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