the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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