hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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