He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
