if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
